i don't necessarily think it feels like something's missing, it just feels very different in tone to 'homo homini lupus', although not entirely. i think it's the segments that are from argos' point of view, because it's less pronounced in the lestrade and john bits. (BY THE WAY: YOUR LESTRADE? I LOVE HIM. BE MINE FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, LESTRADE.) i had to go back and read hhl again, just now, for comparison's sake; really, okay, yes, maybe you're onto something here. this does feel like a snippet of something larger, whilst hhl stands up very well on its own, even though you know it's just a part of a larger universe. i just don't know how you'd go about fixing it, but i'd be glad to listen to you if you want to gab about it!
from a more critical standpoint, the pov is sort of inconsistent in the section with john and argos rescuing frances? SORRY, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE PICKY OR ANYTHING. this is good! the writing is good and argos is ADORABLE HOLY CRAP. i love this au and think it's great fun to read ANYTHING AT ALL set in it.
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-15 08:12 am (UTC)i don't necessarily think it feels like something's missing, it just feels very different in tone to 'homo homini lupus', although not entirely. i think it's the segments that are from argos' point of view, because it's less pronounced in the lestrade and john bits. (BY THE WAY: YOUR LESTRADE? I LOVE HIM. BE MINE FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, LESTRADE.) i had to go back and read hhl again, just now, for comparison's sake; really, okay, yes, maybe you're onto something here. this does feel like a snippet of something larger, whilst hhl stands up very well on its own, even though you know it's just a part of a larger universe. i just don't know how you'd go about fixing it, but i'd be glad to listen to you if you want to gab about it!
from a more critical standpoint, the pov is sort of inconsistent in the section with john and argos rescuing frances? SORRY, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE PICKY OR ANYTHING. this is good! the writing is good and argos is ADORABLE HOLY CRAP. i love this au and think it's great fun to read ANYTHING AT ALL set in it.